Hold up, wait did you all hear sumn?
Is it true we're gonna die from a Chinese gun?
Pozzed up with some kind of bat soup cum?
I'm not ready to die yet, I'm still so young
No fun, now look what you've done
I'm just trying to shit so why you harshing my buzz?
I got one roll left and then I'm out of luck
And I'll then have to start trying to waffle stomp
Shit, wait, What did he just say?
A hundred million new cases every day?
And no cure, no hope and all we got is faith?
So get inside and hide and pray it all away?
Well that's gay but what choice can I make?
I got two fat shits sitting on my plate
I either stay in place and go slowly insane
Or take a chance outside and get Asian AIDS
God damn, Chang, why you gotta be like this?
I thought we were tight, I was the white to your rice, shit
You're making me rethink the price of friendship
Got all this tension, no happy ending?
I swear the test kit you sent was empty
I'm betting you never thought I would bother to check it
Don't tell me I'm crazy Chang, don't tempt me
I'm fretting and sweating and getting a light head, please
I'm trying to breathe but I can't find the breeze
My fever starting to climb above the high 90's
And I'm spiralling, is it finally
Now my time to leave and go quietly?
Fuck that, no bat's ever gonna stop me
And no mere cough's ever gonna drop me
Oh fuck, help, Chang, the cough has got me!
Chang help please!
First light and the bag is on my mind
Clear head and my eyes are on the prize
Don't wait, too late, gotta cut the line
No chance, it's the man: Access Denied
Head back, prep for another attack
Hit 'em hard, hit 'em fast, hold nothing back
No mercy, take everything they have
Hey Miss, your shit, put it in the bag
Let's split, bail with the bag equipped
No trace in the place, left not a drip
The prize zip locked tight, safe on my hip
I dive headfirst back into the whip
Job done, end of another run
Watcha get? Spill it out, count up the sum
One roll? That's it, now our time has come
And I feel despair filling up my lungs
Move bitch! You don't want this
I got a syringe of bleach and I'll use it
So get your hands off the bag if you wanna live
I'm crazy, lady, don't test me
Maintain distance of fifty feet
Back up please 'cause I just can't breath
Hey this dude got no mask
You freak! Man, don't you know we're all diseased?
Who coughed? Someone please call the cops!
We gotta put a stop to this liberty stuff
You know China had an idea, we should wall you up
We're just trying to save lives at any cost
God damn, no freedom, that gets me off
And no boot will ever be clean enough
Hey Officer, can I suck your cock?
'Cause I don't ever want this lock down to stop
Ohh! Mr Round Eye Gweilo
Want a Number 4 bat soup bowl with a large fry-ry, no?
Want a pizza, want a burger, want a ventilator too?
Here bomb, fuck you boy!
China number one! You American dumb
Got a hundred million mask from you fat man Trump
Very good man Mr Jinping, very smart
Make the virus go away, make the death rate none
Ohh! Mr Pig-face burnt rice
Wanna buy a test kit? You get very good price
100K bulk, buy now, give the money
Good customer, you get the virus for free
China very strong and America wrong
Super Power no match, very no Taiwan
Pig dog butter face, get no won ton
You lose now small dick, China won!
You don't want no trouble, make a double order real quick
You sick ghost pig, don't wait for this
You better buy and tip, Five star review
No four, it's bad luck, No good, fuck you!
Eating finger lickin' fetus, lock you in a prison
Never seen again if you say bad thing
Winnie the Who? Tiananmen Where?
Mouth zipped so tight, call me zipperhead
Spitting on your chicken, never missing
I no listen politicians when they say "that's bad", fuck that
I'm Chinaman and now this my land
You die, no children, broken branch
China no sick now streets are empty
Baby smile and Grandma so happy
Curve so flat like Ms China booty
You no like china virus? Sue me!
Locked up tight, intubated
I lie here dying, lungs are failing
My friends and family came to pay
Their respects before I pass away
And although I'll likely die in pain
Begging for relief all night and day
Screaming 'til you can no longer take it
At least they'll never call me racist
It's amazing, Zero cases
After 80K, Nothing shady
China really is the greatest
Everybody sing their praises
Did they pay me just to say this?
'Course they didn't, don't be crazy
By the way let me just say
That Taiwan ain't a real place
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans. Bandcamp New & Notable May 29, 2020
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone. Bandcamp New & Notable Dec 18, 2019
It's not often you see a debut EP so beloved that fans still get lit when they hear a song from it in concert. That's how good this is. weirdschlongbox